Here we are, over 5 years from the start. As in, 5 years ago, there was no big white barn. Only a county approval to build. It was only a field. And now, we’ve done over 300 weddings. God is just so incredibly good and gracious.
We could share a million things we’ve learned and seen. Gosh, we could tell you ALL the stories - the good, the bad, the ugly. But mostly beautiful. But over the years of wedding experience we’ve gained, we have come to land in a place that we are most passionate about. And that is, how your wedding day (and even the planning process) goes. Our entire team would tell you that the days that our hearts break the most are the days we see stress swell up and overcome a bride, a groom, or their parents.
One of the greatest desires we have for your wedding day is that you can be fully in the moment with the love of your life and all your people, that you’d be able to focus on the faces in front of you, the emotions you’re feeling, and the meaning behind all of it. And not have to worry one bit about the logistics of the event itself.
So if we were going to spend our time telling you anything about how the last 5 years has gone, we want to spend it sharing everything we can to help you have a completely stress-free wedding day.
Because outside of the most beautiful, God-honoring covenant between 2 people that happens on this side of heaven, a stress-free wedding day is at the top of our list for you.
So this is for you sweet bride…
15 things to help ensure your wedding day is NOT defined by stress.
1. Determine your natural strengths and weaknesses. And be realistic about what planning an event actually means and what else you have going on in your life right now. Truthfully, this may be the largest event in your life that you’ll ever plan. And while you may go on to be an event planner, chances are you’ll never plan another event in your lifetime outside of a small birthday party for 12 people. So think about what you’re capable of and what you’re not. Are you naturally an organized person? Are you good with details? Do you like taking on large projects, communicating details, and delegating tasks? If so, then your wedding planning experience is going to be totally different than someone who hates details, couldn’t even keep an organized binder for anything in highschool, and who are paralyzed by deadlines. We’ve met several brides who have said “I don’t really care about anything, and am struggling to dive into all the crazy details, because all I really care about is marrying my guy, and that’s all I want!” Guess what? These brides needed to call in the troops! They needed help to accomplish the event details, and when they had the support they needed, they had no problem getting lost in their dreams of just being married to their man. Growing up, every little girl dreams of their wedding day, but never considers what all goes into it. If you struggle to handle stress and anxiety, that’s ok, you are not alone! Give yourself grace, because you know you are built for plenty of other things besides event planning. There are professionals for that. Don’t be discouraged when a friend is loving wedding planning and you are completely overwhelmed. Be confident in who you are and what you can and can’t do. Be okay with getting help in the areas you were not made for. Keep reading, because we have so much more on this topic, regarding your vendor team!
2. Stay focused on what is most important to you and your fiance. This means both the big picture and the little picture. The big picture is your MARRIAGE!!! Don’t get lost in how beautiful you want your wedding to be, that you lose focus of how beautiful you want your marriage to be. Spend time talking about what foundational pieces of this celebration and the days after, are most important to you. Then leave some time to decide what “little picture” things are most important too. Is the food that you serve at dinner hugely important to you? Is a room full of fresh flowers non-negotiable? Is inviting everyone you’ve ever known a big deal to you? Spend time talking about what will bring you the most joy. Let go of other people’s expectations and traditions and keep a good perspective. When you know the things that are most important to you, you’ll be able to let go of things that you don’t really care about. The load that will be lifted could be huge.
3. Do we dare suggest that you delegate and dial-back on the DIY? EEEK! Don’t shoot!! We know, we know, saving a buck here and there can be helpful. But with all the weddings we get to witness, we see a huge pattern - couples and their families do not consider how valuable their time and sanity are. One of our favorite examples of this is regarding linens. We’ve had a few weddings that have chosen to bring in their own linens, rather than renting them. They have either purchased them online (because sure, you can probably find them cheaper than renting them), or bought from another bride who was done with them. But what isn’t factored in is the time and effort to get these linens table-ready. When ordering new, your linens come folded up many times into small squares that have to be steamed/ironed before being ready for tables. One time we had a mother-of-the-bride tell us that it took them 23 hours total (the week of the wedding) to steam all of their linens. They hardly had room at their house for the job, and then had the hardest time trying to transport them and have them not be messed up. They had so many other things they needed to be doing and they were consumed with something they hadn’t planned on. No one has ever been glad they handled their own linens. There are rental companies for that, and we’d highly suggest never taking on this tedious and exhausting task yourself. There are so many things that could fall into this category. Your time is valuable. Your sanity is important. If your budget won’t allow for additional paid help, call in your most useful family and friends to help you complete your projects. But don’t miss that word “useful”. Make sure you pick the ones that are known to be efficient/handy/the get-things-done type.
4. Celebrate all along the planning journey!!!! Make a big deal out of the big planning steps - venue choice, cake and food tasting. YOU FOUND YOUR VENUE - go out to dinner and celebrate!!! INVITATIONS ARE SENT - relax and unwind with pizza and a movie at home! Stop and find the joy and don’t get lost in just checking something off your list! You are planning one of the most memorable and joy-filled events of your life - soak it in, enjoy and celebrate!
5. Take breaks. We promise it does not take 365-500 days to plan a wedding. We have seen weddings planned in 90 days and less - and they were perfect and beautiful, and instead of having to discuss details for all of those days - it was just pushed into a smaller time frame, meaning all together, less brain space and time in your lives spent consumed by wedding planning. Be intentional, and take days and even weeks off at a time where you just enjoy being engaged and don’t bog your friends and family down with wedding details non-stop. Your brain needs a rest. Remember, the wedding is over in a day, your marriage continues forever. Go for a date night and talk only about your relationship and nothing about your wedding. Let those helping you know that you’re taking a week off - nothing needs to be decided or talked about.
6. Build a vendor team that your heart connects with. It’s hugely beneficial to you when they have the same vision for your day, and that you feel supported and cared for, and that you trust them. This is especially important with those vendors who are on-site all day with you, interacting with you, your family and other vendors. Believe us, vendors put off vibes of their own, and while we’d love to say they are always professional and have a heart to serve you, we’d be lying if we did. A photographer that has a take-charge personality to keep all the people lined up and ready for photos, and who is also gracious and kind, will set a tone that is completely different than one who is screaming at your family, who can’t smile and everyone is miserable during photos. The Wichita vendor community is full of so many amazing wedding vendors, and we offer all of our couples a list of the ones that we have experienced the most often and can justify that they will greatly enhance a wedding day. Choose vendors that are professional, organized, and have proven they do great work. This is going to take some up front work because you’ll need to read reviews and talk to anyone you know that has utilized their services. But the up-front work you put in will pay off hugely when the day comes.
7. Lean on your wedding venue. Venues do this all the time and are a huge source of knowledge. They can tell you what has worked well and what hasn’t. They will often catch problems before they arise. They can answer your questions, support you in the layout of the space, and so much more. At our venue, we have set up systems and processes that are for the pure sake of relieving our couples of the stress of unknowns. When details are covered and communicated, everyone can relax so much more. We want to be the least stressful part of your wedding planning journey, and honestly, want to be your rock. We’ve even been known to have a few encouraging pep-talks to some very weary brides, and the conversation ended in a complete 180 from where it started! It brings us no greater joy than to know that something we were able to help with lifted a burden off of our couples.
8. Don’t sweat the small stuff. The seating chart that you had to change 43 times in the days before the wedding, and the broken bustle that had to be safety-pinned up, will never matter in the end. And don’t even let the weather be a big thing. Meaning, if you live in the Midwest, don’t depend on the outdoors. Plan for indoors, and if you’re pleasantly surprised by the one, perfect day of the year we get here in Kansas, then get yourself a lottery ticket, because you won the jackpot. There will be so many small things that come up along the way. Don’t give them weight. Remember, if you’ve already determined what is most important about your day - these small things won’t matter one bit. Practice asking yourself (or reminding each other) - is this little or big? How much of our energy needs to be spent on this? The little stuff will never matter in the end.
9. Calculate a realistic budget and do NOT blow it. Money has the potential to be one of the most stressful parts of this entire journey. But you will soon learn, if you haven’t already, that having a budget and sticking to it, in life (not just for a wedding) will save you so much stress. Stress increases when the budget is blown. Any American household, who manages their money well, knows that when the “eating out” budget is gone - there is no more eating out. Blowing the budget means you are potentially spending money that doesn’t even exist. Don’t do this. Maybe this means, you need to keep a spreadsheet of expenses - if you miss a $7 expense here and there, don’t worry. But track all your main expenses. And remember, if you need to cut costs, if you know what parts of your day are most important to you, you’re going to find it much easier to let go of other parts.
10. Put your wedding day in the hands of a Day-of Coordinator. This advice is gold and probably the advice we give the most. The thing about the wedding day is that you may not realize all the behind-the-scenes details, questions and issues that come up. The DJ needs a different spot due to power issues - “no worries”, says your trusted person. “I got this”. It’s raining, we’ve gotta move your ceremony inside. “Of course,” says your trusted person. The cake is an hour late from the agreed upon delivery time. “I’ll make that call and figure out what’s going on”, says your trusted person. No one can find the champagne flutes and cutting tools for the cake cutting. “Let me find that for you”, says your person. If you don’t have this person, then typically it falls on the bride or her mom. The day we decided to add a dedicated day-of coordination service, was the day that one our mothers-of-the-bride, was in tears, hiding in the kitchen, because she hadn’t been able to enjoy any part of the day because she was trying to handle all of the moving parts. Do not let this be your mother. Delegating tasks to others is a sure-fire way to stay stress-free. And maybe it’s a wedding planner that you need! If you’ve been struggling with planning from the start or don’t have a lot of time to dedicate to planning at all, then a wedding planner may be your ticket to low-stress. This extra support from a third party can make a huge difference when it comes to stress and anxiety.
11. Have a detailed wedding day timeline and have someone that is following it. See above - your Day-of Coordinator!! There’s a balance between being slave to a fixed timeline and being organized so you get everything in that you want. You can’t leave this to chance. A good photographer will help you build part of all of your timeline, they’re the ones that know how long your photos will take anyway! A good hair and makeup vendor will help you know exactly how much time needs to be planned from start to finish. One of the resources we give to our couples is an example timeline of a typicaly wedding day. After witnessing over 300 weddings, we have seen and felt what a good flow to the day is. We have experienced receptions that go way too long and there is no energy or people left, and, and we’ve experienced receptions that are way too short. Our tried and true “example timeline” has helped many of our couples have a place to start when building their day. If it’s on the timeline - it’s going to happen. So create it, build in a cushion for flexibility, and hand it to someone that will make sure things happen as you planned.
12. Stress often comes with the obsessed. Stop looking at Pinterest. Tell yourself what you have planned is enough. Our world is full of wedding inspiration left and right. And if your social media feed will not stop putting it in front of you, stop clicking on it. There are a million different ways to style your tables and design your seating chart. And there will always be another type flower that you come across that must be added to your bouquet. You will never be able to fit in every photo opp you’ve ever seen. Reason #145 to stay focused on what matters to you the most, and don’t get overwhelmed and obsessed with the millions of other weddings out there. This one is yours, which makes it the most important one, and doesn’t need to be like anyone else’s.
13. Give up perfect. Your day is perfect if you are married to your best friend at the end. Plan for something unexpected to happen. Tell yourself in advance that you will not freak out. If you know something will happen, and you have the right people delegated to handle it, you may not even ever find out about what went wrong. It may be a big thing and it may be a small thing - but whatever it is, can you determine in advance how you will react? Your guests, your wedding party, your family and your fiance will be more impressed by how you handle the details of your day, than what the actual details of the day were. Perfection won’t be a part of your life, your marriage or any day from this day forward - so why put unrealistic expectations on this day?
14. Follow a planning timeline. You know, one of those guides that tells you what you need to do 12 months out, 9 months out, 2 weeks out, and the day before! While those lists aren’t specific to you and your details, they will get you very close. We offer a planning guide to all of our couples! If time management isn’t your strength and you tend to ignore deadlines, delegate a trusted person in your life to touch base with monthly (then maybe more often as it gets closer) to keep you on track and remind you what needs to be done now. And no matter what that timeline says, rework it so you can be done 2 weeks before the wedding. There is no sense at all in procrastinating and causing unneeded stress in your final weeks. And lastly, set a HARD “clock-out” time 24-48 hours before the wedding. Relish in the work you’ve done, trust your people and focus on your fiance and what this day is going to mean.
15. Unplug and reconnect with your fiance. Pray about your day and ask others to cover you in prayer too. We have stories at our venue of events and details that were complete answers to prayer, whether it was because our team was praying, the family was praying or the bride and groom. And more than likely, there are countless other stories that we don’t even know about that are a testimony to God’s goodness and faithfulness in hearing our prayers. Pray for calm hearts, no family drama, safety to those coming and going, pray that food doesn’t run out, and that the flower girl will actually make it down the aisle. Pray that you will be able to soak up little moments that could be missed. And while this is a day that has logistics about it, like any other large event, (some that may be stressful) pray that your minds and hearts will be able to stay focused on what truly matters, and that your planning journey, and your wedding day are defined by JOY and not stress.
Wishing you a BLESSED and STRESS FREE wedding day and planning journey!
All photo credit for this post goes to West Rose Photo & Film